A Little bit of Normalcy
by ksrli
Summary: In the aftermath of Cassidy's death, Mac struggles to understand and overcome the situation. She must figure out how in her head to balance the boy she loved with the knowledge of the horrible things he has done.


**So I was going through my files this morning and found this. I had forgotten about this little one shot. I have a special place in my heart for Cassidy. He was just so damn twisted. I loved it. But yeah, enjoy.**

**Also I don't own Veronica Mars, incase you were wondering.**

"_Hey, Mac."_

_She spun around to see Beaver leaning against the hotel room door. Her clothes were gone and she was wrapped in the shower curtain._

"_You can't be here. You're dead!"_

"_So, what? Just because I'm dead we can't talk anymore?" He drawled casually like it was no big deal._

"_No, we can't talk because of the things you did!" She wasn't thinking rationally anymore. Thoughts of the bus crash and all the people that died run through her head. She just didn't understand. "Why?"_

_Beaver snickered and shook his head. He took a few steps towards her and flinched when she backed away. "Do you know what it felt like to have him touch me? I felt so…… dirty. I didn't want other people to……I was afraid that……I just wanted to forget!"_

_She couldn't help it; her heart broke for the boy in front of her. He was broken and all he needed was someone. He had her! Why hadn't he talked to her?_

"_The Beaver," He spun and looked at her sharply at the use of the old nickname and she quickly corrected her mistake, "The Cassidy I knew, wouldn't have hurt all those people." She couldn't keep her voice from cracking._

_He let out a bitter laugh and turned to face her. "Then maybe you didn't know me at all."_

_A tear slid down her cheek as she slowly back towards the door. "I guess not." _

_They kept falling, clouding her vision, and she did nothing to stop them. She watched him, wondering how much pain could push a person to the point of breaking. _

_Beaver took a step forward and she stopped walking. He hesitantly stepped forward again and when she didn't move away he crossed the rest of the distance and gathered her in his arms. "Everything is going to be okay, Mac. It's all over. Everything's going to go back to normal" She snorted. Normal? Could things ever be normal? What was normal? "I love you" Those three words. She had waited for them and now they were here. But it was too late now. She buried her face in his chest and sobbed, clutching to him with everything she had._

Mac woke up to her mother knocking at the door. It was ten o'clock and she had no intention of getting up. She hadn't left her room in three days and whatever her mother had to say wasn't going to change that. She rolled over and pulled the pillow over her face. More dreams of Cassidy were not her idea of fun but it was better than facing her mother.

The knocking continued and she groaned and threw the pillow at the door. Her mother laughed and continued knocking.

She rolled over and somehow managed to hoist herself out of bed. She threw a glance at the mirror as she passed and was surprised to see her face stained with tears. She paused a moment to wipe them away before opening the door.

Her mother handed her the phone and mouthed "Veronica." Mac shook her head and started to shut the door. Her mother stuck her foot in the door and lifted the receiver to her face. "Mac is right here sweetie. Oh no, of course you didn't wake her. Here I'll give the phone to her."

Mac attempted to muster the meanest glare and throw it in her mother's direction while taking the phone.

"Hello?" She mumbled into the telephone while shutting the door in her mothers face.

"Hey, Mac. How are you?" Veronica sounded so girly and innocent on the phone. Mac always felt comforted by that. If Veronica, after all she has been through, can still sound innocent, then maybe there is hope for herself.

"I'm great." She always hated when people asked that. It's not like they actually cared. If anyone dared to say they were having a bad day the other person would think it was rude.

"That's great. Now how are you really?" This is why she loved Veronica Mars. She always knew.

"What do you want me to say, Veronica? That I'm torn and confused? That I can't stop dreaming about him? That I still love him even after all he did?" Mac couldn't seem to stop. All these things have been bottled up inside of her. "I should hate him for all he did. He raped you, Veronica!! I can't hate him, believe me I tired, but I can't."

"Mac, relax. You don't have to hate him." Veronica said calmly across the line. "Listen, you're mom says you haven't been out of the house for a few days. I was wondering if you wanted to come over and watch a movie with me?" She couldn't really say no. If she did she would be shutting out one of her only friends.

"Fine I'll be over in an hour." She said before hanging up. They were going to do the whole wallow with your best friend and watch crappy movies. They were going to pretend like this was like any normal breakup. That's fine with her because she'll take any bit of normal she could get.


End file.
